Eliterate

A while ago, I went on a trip to the Jiangnan region of China, and I encountered this supposedly accurate fortune-teller.

He told me that I was too gentle with things and hesitated too much, that I needed to be more decisive; better to have known and done than to have known and not do anything.

Well, he's right to a certain extent, but I think I do things rather rashly. And I need to cultivate some patience and some discipline, before embarking on things.

You know, for readership's sake, I might just shift everything from here to Facebook. Sounds like a good idea, isn't it? 

I've been down with flu recently, after my recent trip at Shanghai; I guess it's the difference in temperature between there and here.

But it got me thinking, I've made it known on facebook and on MSN, and to people that I lie a lot, but what really is the point of telling people that you lie? 

Doesn't that make a you self indulgent and attention-seeking? 

Not to mention, a very bad liar.

For that, I am most disappointed in myself, because I've given so much away to people, yet I've gotten almost nothing from them. 

So, from now on, I'm just gonna tell the truth. 

 You know, even though nobody reads this, I still write so conservatively. I mean, I'm not a celebrity; there's no reason why I should watch my words. Well, since i'm flying off tomorrow, which is incidentally Good Friday, I'll just update this.

It's been a while since I've sat down and ranted. Let's put it straight across, I lie too much. If you're reading this, it pretty much means I've lied to you at one point or another. And why do I lie to you, not because it's a fun thing to do. It's because I fear for my own reputation, if you see past the visage I have presented to you, you may not like it. Well, here are some things that may help you the next time I lie.

I crack jokes because they're funny, and I think I am funny. I also crack jokes because jokes can hide a person's real face, and jokes are best at doing that, at changing the subject, lightening the mood, dulling your senses. 

I am sarcastic because ... I am sarcastic. I cannot help it and I cannot be simple-minded and take words as they are. I don't think I over-analyse things, it's probably down to my paranoia and my inability to be gullible. Perhaps sarcasm is my way of getting through to people. 

So now you know, but we know you're not going to do anything about it.

After all, there is nothing to do.

 Push

Everybody needs a push, to love, to hate, to protect, to lie, to do anything. A push can come from anything, and it doesn't necessarily have to be a physical contact. But of course, you know that already, don't you?

See, pushing and motivating are two different things. Motivation doesn't drive you over the edge, and pushing does, when performed in excess.  You cannot motivate extravagantly, because motivation is mostly done with good intentions. Perhaps it is the underdog effect that defines the word "motivation" today. Perhaps that encouraging persona is so deeply etched in the word "motivation", and its meaning. This cannot be said the same for pushing. 

In physics, pushing is either an opposing force or a force with direction. And if you consider that in psychology, you can push a person to do something he does not want to do, but you cannot motivate him in the same situation. 

Like most of my classmates, I have been rather cropped up over the past year. Some of you may think I didn't contribute as much as I could have during TEP (and hence my disappointing grade), but it definitely played a part in reducing the free time I had during the two-month break before it start. 

And after TEP, came the attachment programme, which was tough to say the least. Yeah, I did learn a lot from that stint at SPH and I guess I'll share some of it here.

Who, What, When, Why, How - These are indeed the foundations of the questions you need to ask as a journalist, when interviewing someone or when covering an event. There is no going round that, because even if you don't ask at the event, or during the actual interview, your editor will want the answers to those questions, and you will still have to ask those questions, albeit at a later time, which will obviously create a sloppy impression of yourself on your editors and your interviewees.

Have an idea of what story you are writing on, before you start writing - This is rather cliched, but still people procrastinate too much and have too much confidence. It matters alot that you have an idea of what your story is going to be about; that way, you can leave out the unnecessary questions. An example would be: If your story is going to be about the rising trend of endurance runners running for charity, you don't have to probe them on the non-charity runs they may have ran. 

Also, do find out information from sources such as past articles, on events that you're covering, this is to let you ask good questions, instead of those which have been asked before. For that matter, if you ask unnecessary questions, your source may not be inclined to answer them, or any further questions. That will be detrimental to your story.

Always ask for the age, designation and full name when quoting anyone, unless you're getting the soundbite from a minister or member of parliament

Always be on a lookout for newsworthy information when attending an event or even interviewing a person - It can turn your boring, straightforward story into a meaty and newsy one. For eg, A university here is launching an initiative for engineering students, if information on a new facility to train engineering students is given out, then it is more newsworthy to write about the centre as the main news point than the initiative as the centre could possibly affect more people.

Don't be late for events, or try your best not to be

I hope this helps whoever is reading 


On the softer side of things, I've been awestruck by the two-hour premier of Survivor: Heroes vs Villains, the 20th season of the reality TV series.

The sheer quality of the episode, both visually and content-wise, was appallingly good. Well, maybe not appallingly, since I was half expecting it to be great.  The introduction theme had a unique feel which suited the season, and the first reward challenge was nothing short of breathtaking. I may be dishing out praises left and right, but the episode totally deserved the flatter. If anyone wants to watch the first episode, you can ask me for it, but remember to bring your external hard disk :)

Also, this post for me is quite peculiar, as I've taken a step back (or forward in this case) and not centre it around myself. Nobody wants to read an over-indulgent, excessively self-centered post by an author about his perpetual depression, foolhardy attempts at forging relationships, and hopelessness in provoking thoughts.

Just a few months ago, I was under the illusion that I wrote for an audience here, and even if I didn't, at least to vent some frustration.

Now, I wonder: What is the point?

What is the point of writing when noone reads? Shouldn't writing be a form of expression? Why express when noone pays you any attention?

All that I write goes to waste, although you may argue that it can be a learning curve; for myself to reflect on as I grow older and more mature.

But in all practicality, if even your closest friends do not read what you write, what chance do you have to engage an audience?

So, I've more or less decided to shut this down for good.

 It has been a while since I've written something - something non-newsy. To be honest, I'm quite devoid of writing inspiration right now, and it pains me deeply to see myself in this state. But as it has always been for me, when I lack the juice to write, I can't stop there and leave it be. I need to just keep writing, and pray that inspiration comes. Speaking of which, I just noticed inspiration is very much like luck; you make your own.

Okay, so what was I going to write on today? Oh yes. 

Memories.

You see, I've been losing my memory. I'm not a person with short term memory, well, at least I wasn't. However, recently, I've been forgetting alot of things. Perhaps it is burnout, perhaps it is just lack of concentration.

I really don't know. 

 Well well

It’s been a while since I’ve last updated this web based journal. Many things have come and passed, and inevitably, I’ve regretted some of them. Perhaps it is my lack of foresight. But today, I believe I am in a position to talk about things that people don’t normally talk about. Then again, actions do speak louder than words, don’t they?

Chess. Chess is a game globally renowned. When we talk about chess, we talk about names such as Gary Kasparov and Deep Blue. However, we’re missing the whole point.

Chess is just another game we play.

You see, life in itself is very much like chess. Very does not mean completely, because life isn’t just another game we play. Life is the game we play. In our lifetimes and lifetimes of many others, we use people. We use people to get to where we want to.  But wait, the fun hasn’t started.

The fun is observing how our humanoid pawns fall into wherever we point them to. You may comment that you are too smart to be used or too nice to make use of others. The truth is, you are human, and you are currently playing chess. Let me point out a real life situation.

As you might have already known, I am currently in my third year of polytechnic education. I am undergoing what you would call free labour, and what I would call “Teaching Enterprise Project”. But that’s not the point. The point is, even in such circumstances, where classmates who supposedly have nothing but teamwork and camaraderie on their minds, I see many examples of people being manipulated to no end.

Whenever someone of authority is around, they speak nicely to you. For the first time, you are surprised by their sudden politeness. Since when did you start saying “Excuse me” instead of your usual repulsive “Move.” Alas, the heavens must have noticed! A miracle witnessed. Oh, the joy!

When the presence of authority dissipates, reality sets in. Questions become orders. Opinions become facts, conversations become arguments. But of course, I cannot blame a pawn for carrying out orders. If a master has assigned his servant to carry out an errand, the loyal servant will do his job.  If the servant fails repeatedly, he is no longer of any use to his master. Logically, any good manipulator looks out for multiple pawns and keeps looking for more to achieve his ever burning ambitions.

After all, we’re all in this together, aren’t we?

First off

What the fuck is wrong with you? I wouldn't know, would I? I've been tolerating and tolerating and tolerating for so very long, and you're still taking it for fucking granted. Well go on, make yourself miserable. How many fucking times must I ask before you finally listen. I'm not your fucking yoyo when you can pull back and forth as and when you want it. I've a fucking threshold and believe me, you're reaching it.

And don't bother asking me to be a fucking lightbulb, you don't see me doing that, do you?

Grim seeking ...

The wind blows cold as a car drives past
remnants of rain splashes, never to last
streetlights flicker, through bulbs of glass
rustling leaves fall, burning to dust
A shadow forms, looming from past
You recall it all as the die is cast

A step forward is three in reverse
run to no avail, within this curse
feel that spine tingle, not the first
the scythe is here, waiting with thirst
that quenches all and naught; endless

Pain that grows on the very soul
lasts longer than most would mould
leeches on that which isn't cold
the flame fades as the candles blow

beat and bloodied in few pieces
still grabbing that which ceases
you to exist; it fizzles

gone but existing
dead but not living

Grim Seeking ...